The Penis, who needs it?

I wanted to post this tongue in cheek opinion before it is taken down from Medical News Today.  I love the names he has created for his characters.  Gloria
Penis Amputation Also Reduces The Risk Of HIV

posted by PJ on 30 Oct 2009 at 5:47 am
Penis Amputation Reduces the Risk of HIV

In light of the circumcision studies in Africa showing that a larger foreskin increases the risk of HIV, the World Health Organization, the American Academy of Pediatrics, and the Centers for Disease Control are considering whether or not to promote penile amputation surgery to reduce the risk of HIV in men and women by nearly 100 percent. Dr. Peter Kilmarx of the CDC said that any step that could thwart the spread of H.I.V. must be given serious consideration.

New studies are presently being undertaken by D.R. Quack, M.D. and U.R. Kidding, M.D. to see how easy it would be to implement penile amputation surgery in Africa. These studies are being funded by the National Institute of Wealth, with U.S. taxpayer dollars.

Ima Schmuck, Ph.D. is planning to take doctors to Africa to teach Africans how to perform penile amputations, as part of Operation Fool’em.

When the CDC and the AAP issue their statements later this year, amputation of the infant’s penis will be a “voluntary” choice of the child’s parents. The AAP in 1999 stated that parents should determine what is in the best interests of the child, in procedures that are not essential to the child’s current well-being. This includes penis amputation.

The benefits of penis amputation include curing masturbation that can lead to blindness, the elimination of the need for penile hygiene, as well as the prevention of phimosis, gangrene of the penis, cancer of the penis, and STDs. Penile amputation eliminates smegma in men and reduces cervical cancer in women. It helps prevent unintended pregnancy, reduces the incidence of rape, and decreases the incidence of penis envy in young girls. The risks are minor and rare, mainly bleeding and infection. Penile amputation is the new HIV vaccine, contributing to public health.

Penis amputation eliminates the need for Viagra and similar products that can have side effects. It allows for more skin to be available for skin grafts and Oprah’s skin care products. It eliminates the need of men to undergo non-surgical and surgical foreskin restoration to improve their sexual experience and that of their female partners.

Critics of penis amputation point out that this surgery does not respect the body integrity rights and the personal choice of male infants. However, in light of the high HIV risk among both heterosexuals and homosexuals, this surgery prevents the activity that contributes to this epidemic. It eliminates the need for behavioral modification and the use of condoms. It must be stressed, however, that men will still need to be strongly cautioned to not use dirty medical equipment when injecting illegal drugs, after they’ve undergone penile amputation.

Abram L. Bobbitt, 99, recently revealed that God told him to practice penile amputation on his sons and on subsequent generations as a religious ritual. Bobbitt resides in the Alzheimer’s wing of a nursing home. The staff attempted to explain to him that penile amputation would result in no more future generations, to which he responded that it would be the new green job that helps the environment. He encourages people to throw a party after the penis amputation ceremony and serve good foods for this joyous event.

The AAP is expected to encourage the use of anesthesia for those who undergo penile amputation. Such anesthesia includes sugar water or wine, and calm music played during the penile amputation surgery. (end of opinion letter)
Read the news article that this opinion was posted about:
Foreskin Surface Area And HIV Acquisition: Size Matters

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