According to Oprah, there are 10 million couples in the U.S. who do not have any sex in their marriage. They live together, have kids, mortgages, and they eat dinner together but they have completely given up on the idea of having sex. I find this extremely peculiar. Living with another person is demanding and difficult at the best of times, surely having some hot, passionate sex is one way to repair the thoughtless comments and incessant bickering that is part of most marriages. How do people stay together if they don’t have that ‘pressure cooker valve’ of sex to grease the wheels of relationship? How did the richest country on earth end up with so many people in sexless marriages?
I don’t have a conspiracy theory on this but I have some observations that might shed light on what is happening behind closed doors in the American bedroom. Thirty years ago, 80% of the baby boys had the most sensitive part of their penis amputated in the U.S. At that time, neither doctors or parents had any idea of the importance of the foreskin and there was an epidemic of cutting. The rate of circumcision of newborn boys is dropping but even today, more than half of newborn American boys undergo this irreversible, mutilating surgery. So many American men are mutilated that we have even coined a term for the women’s reaction to seeing an intact male. . . the “ewwww factor”. Little do those women know what they are missing. A foreskin makes up half of the skin on the erect adult penis. This movable skin allows a sliding action that is immensely pleasurable for both partners, helps to keep sex wet, and prevents male pubic hair from coming up the shaft and scouring the woman’s vulva. If you look closely at a cut man’s penis, you will see a circular scar just below the glans.
So, that’s what happened to the guys.
Now, couple high rates of male circumcision with the fact that today, the 30-something women are cut and scarred at a never before seen rate when they give birth. The cesarean rate in North America is completely out of control at rates over 30%. A cesarean is major abdominal surgery and results in an abdominal scar that the woman does not like having pressure on or cannot stand being touched. One woman in the book “Cesarean Voices” describes her experience:
“The perpetual numbness around the scar that made me not want to touch my belly, when I was drying myself, dressing myself, made me shudder when someone touched me–my child, my husband.” Kris, p.52
Men and women who have had their sexual organs cut (episiotomy, cesarean and circumcision) can suffer from body image anger and/or disgust. No amount of counselling or cajoling seems to authentically heal the feelings. When nerve endings are gone or severed, they are gone forever. That part of sexuality can not be reclaimed. Some women who have had cesareans report that they can not bear to have their partner’s weight on top of them. Some cut men take hours to have an orgasm because their penis has become so insensitive to touch from constantly rubbing on clothing. How do we expect these two people to come together and have a fullfilling intimate life when they have this disadvantage?
So many people blame themselves for not liking sex, not enjoying sex, avoiding sex, faking orgasm and all the other ways of coping. In countries where the boys are kept intact and the cesarean rate is low, you don’t see displays for “lube” everywhere. You’re also less likely to see the destructive aspects of porn addictions.
Really, if there was someone trying to cook up a diabolical plot to ruin the sexual fun of couples in North America, the double whammy of male genital mutilation and the cesarean epidemic would be a good way to go about it. When the decisions are made to cut a newborn baby’s genitals or to proceed to a cesarean section during childbirth, I wonder if anyone really thinks through the long-term, life altering consequences of these actions.